Weblog
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
-
Seeking Travel Advice!
So time is ticking until my trip to London, and my weekend in Florida is this week... I'm excited/nervous. As a travel novice, I'm excited to get out and visit new places (Okay, so I've been to Disney World before, but it's been 10 years!) and experience the rest of the world, but I'm also nervous about what to expect.
Living in Manhattan, and more specifically, living almost IN Times Square, I am pretty much surrounded by tourists a lot of the time, so I am a very common witness to the typical tourist blunders, paying too much for everything, and getting caught up in tourist traps. I definitely want to make the most of my travels, and I don't want to get stuck being the obnoxious tourist.
I know a lot of people on Xanga are far more well-traveled than I, so I'm looking for your advice!
Generally...
What are some general travel tips that you have? And I mean anything - tips for packing sensibly, ways to amuse yourself on a long flight, things you should definitely bring that might not seem obvious.
Do you bring a camera with you on your travels? If so, what kind? I've been considering buying a new one for the trip, and I definitely want something that's going to give me high quality shots. I know there's a lot of photographers on Xanga, so I figure someone can offer some advice there.
More specifically...
If you've ever been to London (or better yet, if there's anyone who lives there), what are some tips or bits of advice I should know before going? Is there anything I absolutely MUST do or see while I am there? I'm going to have a lot of free time, and am even considering some sort of weekend trip to another country nearby. (A bunch of people have been suggesting Paris?) Is there anything I should seriously avoid doing?
Load me up with suggestions!
~Jessica
Monday, 09 November 2009
-
Desire Trumps Fear
Last night, I booked two round-trip flights for myself: one to Orlando, and one to London. A year ago, this would have been pretty much beyond the realm of possibility. If I thought I grew and changed a lot in my first year of college, it's still very little when compared with the last year of my life. That's because in this part year, I have finally learned that there are so many things that are so much more important than being afraid.
I used to say and think that it was That man who changed me, but he didn't; at least, not in the way I thought he did. At the end of the day, I changed myself, because I'm the only one who can. What That Man did was make me want to make that change, and make me realize that I could if I wanted it bad enough. It was as if he laid the world out in front of me and all I had to do was work up the nerve to leave the nest and try to fly. He instilled in me a desire that was finally enough to beat back the fear.
Now I know what you're thinking when I talk about That Man and desire in the same sentence. And I won't lie, that was definitely part of it. I had never wanted to be with someone enough to manage to trump the fear of actually, well, being with them. But it goes so much deeper than that. Talking so frequently and for so long with someone who had seen the whole world reminded me of all the things I was missing by being too afraid to go out and see and do them. There is a huge world out there, and it's beautiful and terrifying, but the more I saw and heard about it, the more I wanted so badly to actually get out there and see it for myself. And as my desire to break out of my lonely little apartment grew stronger, my fear began to have less of a hold on me.
This isn't to say that I'm not afraid. As I held the confirmation papers for my flights in my hands, I could feel my heart race. This is some pretty unknown territory for me, and that's scary. But for the past year, I have been trying to dive into unknown territory, even if it's scary, because I want to. Though it's had its highs and lows, the past year has taught me that being scared of something doesn't mean not trying. I want to see places I've never seen, and do things I've never done. That desire that had been lying dormant for years, held down by fear and uncertainty, has finally started to thrive. I have finally found enough things that I want badly enough to break out of that cage. I have, at long last, discovered a desire in me that is able to take on fear, because I know that living out my dreams is more important than being afraid.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it managed to cancel out a fear or insecurity you had about doing it?
~Jessica
Saturday, 31 October 2009
-
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween from Princess Belle...
...and the good little Catholic school girl.
~Jessica
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
-
If I Died Today
Because I'm a morbid person, I sometimes wonder what I'd be unhappy with if I were to die on any given day. What would I wish I had said to people? What would I wish people had said to me? Is there anything that would really, truly bother me that I hadn't said or done in my life?
A fresh round of these thoughts was brought on this morning when I woke up. I had a dream last night - it was completely strange and nonsensical, for the most part. In my dream, I was in a large hotel on a coast somewhere, and myself and three of my friends were being executed, by my immediate family no less. We were being beheaded out on the balcony. I was the last of the four to meet my death. As I was waiting for my turn to die, I was searching frantically for my cell phone. When I found it, I dialed the number of someone I care for very much. They answered, sounding as though I had woken them up. I apologized for waking them, and started to cry as I told them that I was never going to see them again, and desperately wanted them to know how much I loved them. That phone conversation was the one part of my dream that made sense, and I woke up promptly after it.
These thoughts have crossed my mind more and more often lately, especially as the prospect of travel is looming in my life. I'm the kind of paranoid person who thinks that it's my plane that will be the one to fall out of the sky. If I wind up going to London, I was thinking of writing a letter including all the things I would want people to know if I never got a chance to tell them. I don't have any huge number of secrets, those of you who have read my blog for a while, or who know me know that I'm a fairly open person. But there are some secrets I have kept, at least from the people they involve, for one reason or another, and some that I wouldn't want to take to the grave with me.
The thing that struck me about this was the fact that I'd rather leave a letter behind than simply say these things to people before I left. Why not simply tell these people what I'm thinking and feeling now so that I don't have to worry about what would happen if it was too late? Why not tell my father about the time I stole his car, or that as it turns out, I have been drinking before my 21st birthday, and I can hold my liquor better than he thinks? Why not tell my mom that I want nothing more than to be her when I grow up, minus the three kids? Why not tell all my friends what I really think of them, good or bad? Why not tell That Man that I am hopelessly in love with him, and love him more intensely than I've ever loved another person?
By the time I reached the last question, I had already realized the answer. I am afraid. I am afraid of the consequences of sharing these secrets. I want my mom to know how much I admire her, but I fear what she'd think of me if she knew that despite all the schooling she and my father have put me through, I think I'd be perfectly happy as a housewife. I want my father to be able to laugh at the fact that I stole his car, or tell me something that would help my occasionally improper use of alcohol, but I fear losing his trust. I want That Man to know that he is loved, deeply and completely, for everything that he is, but I fear him walking away if I were so blunt. I want my friends to know that I love them, or that I hate them, or that I can't stand their boyfriend, or that I think they're making a huge mistake, or that I think they're wasting their lives, or that I think they are impossibly talented, or that they're doing something they shouldn't, or not doing something they should, but I fear how they would react to hearing such things.
It's easiest to say these things when we have nothing to lose.
*Photos were screencapped from the trailer for the new Post Secret book, Post Secret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God by Frank Warren.
If you died today, what would you wish you had said to other people? What would you wish other people had said to you? What would be the biggest regret you'd have over something you'd done? What about over something you hadn't done?
~Jessica
Sunday, 04 October 2009
-
One More Miracle
I don't consider myself a particularly religious person. I don't really know what I believe in. What I do know, is that when the going gets tough, and I run out of ideas, I look up at the sky and start asking for favors. For someone who doesn't necessarily believe in god, I sure talk to him an awful lot. Sadly, my conversations with god pretty much come in three varieties:
The first are those in which I am begging relentlessly for something. Sometimes a selfish request, though also often for friends and family. I've stopped begging for the big things, like world peace. So I ask over and over for little things. Please, help my mom get through this hard time that she's having. Please God, make things easier for my dad at work. Please, please, dear God, send That Man back to me. Please.
The second are those in which I am angry. Angry because whatever I have been so desperately begging for hasn't come. Angry because once again, happiness has been dangled in front of my face, and then taken away. Angry because I am confused or frustrated and I need help, and it's not there. God, why would you let my sister do something so dumb? God, why would you let me have That Man back if you were just going to take him away again in the same breath?
The third are those in which I am thanking the powers that be for granting what I asked for. These are generally the loudest. I have unashamedly stood in the middle of the street with tears in my eyes saying "Thank you" over and over again at the sky. Thank you for letting my dad keep his job. Thank you for letting my sister not get hurt. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sending That Man back to me.
Like I said, for someone who isn't even sure she believes in god, we sure talk an awful lot. And if I do believe in god, I'm quite sure that I don't believe that he gives a crap about the trivial details of my day to day life. I don't think god cares what my sisters or I do at school. I don't think my parents have an easier or harder time because god brings it on them. I don't think That Man leaves me or comes back to me because of what god does.
But I talk to him anyway. I beg, I rage, and I thank.
It was that first type conversation that was taking place under my breath as I damn near ran home earlier this week, clutching my cell phone, legitimately praying for it to ring. As I glanced down to the screen wishing for a message, I heard myself mutter out loud "Please, God, just one more miracle."
Just one more miracle.
I feel like this is a mindset that many of us share. Many of us have this idea that there's just one more thing that we need. Just that one thing, and everything will be alright. We think, if we just get that promotion, or if we just get into this school, or if we just marry this person, or if we just win this game, or some other such thing, we'll make it. It'll be okay. But we're fickle, like the little kids, begging for a toy. The ones who say "Please Mommy, just get me this one thing and I promise I'll never ask for anything ever again!" Like the child in the toy store, we grow, and we change, and that one thing that we thought would make everything better... doesn't. We got the promotion, but we're still not making enough money. We got into the dream school, but we're floundering under the workload. We married the love of our life, but it's not smooth sailing. We won the game, but our teammates are being traded away.
Just one more miracle.
The one miracle that we needed turned into another, and another, and there's always something more that we're looking for. Sometimes, we're granted what we swear will be the last miracle we need. Sometimes we aren't. Either way, it is only a temporary fix. We can't live on miracles, and we can't keep asking for them. And maybe we're not supposed to ask for them anymore. Maybe we're supposed to make our own.
Is there a miracle that you're asking for in your life right now? Something seemingly impossible that you need help with? Who do you turn to when these things come up? Do you ever think that if you get this one thing, everything else will turn out okay? Have you ever experienced a situation where this has happened?
~Jessica
Lost_In_Reverie
-
- Name: Jessica
- Birthday: 1/19/1989
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 8/21/2004
-
True
Connect
Weblog Archives
Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save"
above and refresh the page.
Pulse
-
Off to the airport... HEADED TO DISNEY WORLD!!!
-
It could be like this always if you'd only let it. Fucked up or not, we work, admit it.
-
Is it wrong for me to feel like we're making progress even though you still won't commit to anything?
Chatboard (5)